Pregnancy worries

Had a stomach pain this morning around 7am again plus a leg cramp. I found that most of the cramps happen in the morning, don’t know if it’s relating to the birth time?

Seeing my tummy getting bigger, I’m starting to worry about the financial and the bringing up of my baby as I have no idea or previous experience. For maternity leave, the government paid a maximum of around $325/week for 14 weeks, if I choose to stay with my baby for the first year (which my mum recommends and she said she regretted that she had missed out a lot), I’d have to depend on my partner or find some extra income while working at home. And with the baby, there will be a lot of extra costs, especially if we want the best for our children, who don’t? I am really worried.

Besides the financial, there’s also how to take care of the baby, to bath, things to be aware of, education & making sure its going to be a good person…etc. When I talked to my friend who's baby's almost due last month, she told me lots of worries, and I said to her the child will take care of itself, or if you are religious, 'God will take care of him/her' I was worry free, but this week, I have the same worries!

There was an introduction session last week for a course called babyfirst offered by elementa, I'm glad I attended as it gave me some relieves and confidence that I can do it. The instructor/mentor Maureen was really nice, and she showed us a method of bringing up more independent children. I remember her saying there's no perfect parents, we're all trying our best possible way to raise our children. That really gives me power, as I would want to be a perfect mother in front of my child, to cook nice, healthy food, provide a happy, perfect household, showing them to be a good citizen to the community and always with a smiling kind face. "It's ok to tell your baby you're upset at times, because we're all human and have ups & downs. It's ok to tell the baby that you're upset and you'll go outside to take a breath." What Maureen said really takes a lot of stress away from me.

Also from the bounty pregnancy booklet, it says, ".... you'd think that babies couldn't manage without endless frilly accessories. But babies need their basic needs met - to eat, be kept clean and warm, and to be loved. And that needn't cost a fortune." I can certainly give my baby food (I'm planning to breastfeed, maybe some nursing pads or even expressor), certainly can love my baby with my whole heart + lots more, and sure I can provide a bath and heater! :-)

Connecting with the baby

Just reading my weekly update from baby center, things as per normal & points to remember for week 24 is to keep hydrated & remember to exercise to keep circulations, this will prevent the feet and ankle swelling. Try to put the legs up when sitting. And if swelling in the hands and face, called midwife immediately.

Babycenter also recommends to write a letter to the baby, share your feeling and hopes, or put together a memeory box for the baby, this will help the transition into motherhood and will be treasure for the baby in the future.

I'm reading Deepak Chopra's Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives: How to Use Meditation, Yoga and Other Techniques to Give Your Child the Perfect Start in Life, I quite agree to the idea of connecting with the baby from now, he suggests to be more in tune with our senses, eg. sight, sound, hearing, taste and touch, as this could influence the baby. He suggests to be aware of what images, sounds & tastes that plesures you or horrify you.

As I'm feeling more and more of the kicking now, I tend to touch my tummy whenever it kicks, Deepak also suggests talking to the baby while touching the tummy and baby will get a soothing feeling with your voice. Sometimes I also play some classical music, at times it'd quiet down and sometimes it'd start moving around (dancing maybe?)

My other concern (or worry) is baby crying in the future and I won't be able to calm it down, this I can imagine will be stressful for the family and any visitors as well. I feel lucky to find this website: the dunstan baby language website. Apprently it was on Oprah before, but I missed it, it was a system to communicate with the baby.

Simply put, when a baby cries, there's only certain needs that he/she wants satisified: hunger, boring, sleeping, wind or wet diapers...etc, and babies will express those needs through 5 different types of sound (it was discovered by Priscilla who had a photographic memory for sound so I believe she could pick up sounds that other didn't):

neh - hungry
owh - sleepy
eh - need to burp
eairth - lower wind
heh - wet/hot/dry/cold

If we're able to recognise the sound and attend to the needs accordingly, we'll have a happy baby! I'm planning to buy the system, but just a glimpse on the notes which is free.

Cause of cramping during second trimester

Starting from week 21, I had a cramping on my stomach, sometimes followed by diarrhoea and sometimes didn't, and for a few days, it only happens in the morning for about 20-30 seconds. I went to the GP, she gave me some sachet powder to drink and said it'll settle in a few days.

I also suspected that it's the Braxton Hicks Contractions, from What to Expect When You're Expecting, it describe as a 'practice' contraction, and it's a tightening of the uterus, beginning at the top and gradually spreading downwards and usuallly last about 15-30 seconds. It usually starts after the 20th week and may felt earlier and more intense in women who have had a previous pregnancy.

It's a good chance to use it as a practice of the breath & relaxation techniques, also to relieve the discomfort, try changing our position - lying down or getting up and walking around..etc. Hopefully it's not an indication of premature labour, the book also have a section on prelabour, false labour & real labour.

Birth Stories

For me, I'd like to read more of other people's experiences on labour so to know what to expect, I found the following birth stories online:


ohbaby birth stories

Home birth, NZ

With some ads, but some collection on birth stories

A blog on NZ birth stories

US Childbirth org

Exercise

I guess my second major worry is a long hard labour & tearing during labour, after searching around, I found there are 2 ways that could minimise the chance or prevent this:

1. By exercise & relaxation techniques (by reading birth stories, I found women using breathing techniques or hynobirthing usually have an easier labour)
2. Birth by caesarean

Unless it's necessary for the saftey of the baby, I'll assume that I'll have a natural birth, so exercise is the answer for me. And exercise is good to knock off those extra pounds after birth if I don't gain so much now.

Yoga, stretching, walking or swimming seem to be some mild exercises for pregnancy. The main thing is to keep it slow and stop once you feel tired. Exercise during the second trimester and slack off to mild stretching during the third.

** Risky exercises to avoid:

- Any exercise that put you flat on your back after the fourth month or
- pull on the abodomen (such as full sits up and double leg lifts) or
- force air into the vagina (upside-down bicycling) or
- bending over backwards or
- stretch the inner thigh muscles or
- bringing the knee to chest while kneeling on all fours
- jumping, bouncing, or jerky movements


Some exercises that make a good routine:

- Shoulder stretch
- Standing leg stretch (to ease leg cramps)
- Kegel exercise (to prevent tearing & urine leaking)
- Pelvic tilt (to strengthen the back)
- Dromedary Droop
- Leg lifts

Kegel - firmly tense the muscles (it's the muscle that stop the flow of urine midstream when you're on the toliet) arond the vagina and anus, hold for as long as you can (working up to eight to ten seconds), then slowly release the muscle and relax. In Deepak Chopra's Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives: How to Use Meditation, Yoga and Other Techniques to Give Your Child the Perfect Start in Life, he even recommmends to do 100 every day to prevent tearing. Try a combination of quick ones & long ones. The book also recommends stretching the perineum a few weeks before the due date.

Also more exercise for easier labour, in Pregnancy without pounds, there're some core exercises that make labour easier.

Highly recommended:

Stretch Marks can be prevented?

I believe many women, including me is worry about getting stretch marks. Can it actually be prevented? I found myself scratching my stomach at times because it's itchy, and I heard that this is because the stomach is stretching, and we could avoid stretch marks by keeping our stomach moisturised. I'm using Bio oil at the moment, and heard some friends are using cocoa butter. What's better? We could get it cheaper online than the retail pharmacy (even with the postage), I get my elevit & Bio oil through Pharmacy Direct now. I guess as long as it's a good moisturiser, safe, and make sure it's not some herbs & essential oil that cannot be used during pregnancy, which induce contraction.

Oils to avoid during pregnancy:

Anise
Bay
Basil
Camphor
Caraway
Carrot
Cedarwood
Cinnamon
Clary Sage
Clove
Comfrey
Cypress
Fennel
Hyssop
Jasmine
Juniper
Marjoram
Mugwort
Myrrh
Nutmeg
Oregano
Pennyroyal Peppermint
Rosemary
Sage
Sassafras
Tansy
Thuja
Thyme
Wintergreen
Wormwood
Yarrow

Oils to avoid in first trimester: Chamomile, Frankincense, Geranium, Melissa, Rose
Source: http://www.earthyfamily.com/arom-caution.htm

Also:
Herbs to Avoid during pregnancy



Also, keep the weight gain steady, about 1/2 a kilo every week from the 4th month to the 8th month, the recommendation is to aim at gaining 11-15 kilos throughout the whole pregnancy.

Really good book that answers all my questions:

All about sex....

Predict the Sex of the baby & Sex during Pregnancy

There certainly are a lot of myths about whether sex is safe for the pregnancy or not. Sometimes we are a bit shy to ask clear questions. Sometimes sex is not recommended if there were previous miscarrigaes or premature labour. No sex? What about orgasam, not intercourse? Is it still ok? Is oral sex ok?

The following is an article I found on parentingweekly.com about things to watch out for:

"There is a tendency for both expectant mothers and fathers to cut back on sex once they've achieved pregnancy (especially if getting pregnant has been a challenge instead of a surprise)... With a normal pregnancy, you can keep doing it right up until your water breaks. Make sure to check with your doctor or midwife first if you're having any problems, such as placenta previa or bleeding, or if you have a history of miscarriage.

Some women report that sex during pregnancy is the best they've ever had while others admit that it's not what it once was. The heightened pleasure is usually attributed to increased blood flow to the pelvic area, also known as engorgement of the genitals. If you find that sex has become particularly enjoyable during pregnancy it may be because you finally feel free from worries about conception and contraception, and are feeling sexier than ever. But if you find yourself on the other end of the spectrum and sex is not as appealing, this can be due to several factors. The same engorgement that can push some women over the threshold of ecstasy can give other women an uncomfortable feeling of fullness after having sex and some women may feel abdominal cramping during or after sex. It may just be that you're tired or too nauseated to have sex or even care about it, especially in the first trimester. Things should pick up once you're past the first trimester and the second trimester is often marked by a resurging libido.

Your libido may wane again in the third trimester, as impending labor and delivery - and your belly - loom large. By this point, some women just simply feel unattractive. Ironically, your partner's sex drive may actually increase as your pregnancy progresses, as he's drawn to your more curvaceous and feminine body. But some partners do experience a decreased libido if he's overly concerned for your health and that of your baby, or if he's apprehensive about becoming a father, that he'll hurt the baby, or if he's feeling self-conscious about making love in the presence of the unborn child.

Here are the most common myths about having sex during pregnancy:

Myth #1 - Sex will hurt the baby

Sex is not harmful for your baby. In fact, in most cases, the motion of having sex will rock your little one off to sleep. The thick mucus plug that seals the cervix will prevent your partner's penis from ever coming into contact with the baby and helps guard against infection, while the amniotic sac and strong uterine muscles also protect your baby. You may notice that your baby is very active after your orgasm and this is because of your pounding heart, not because your baby knows what is happening or feels pain.

Myth #2 - My belly will be in the way and I'll never be comfortable

Playing with alternative positions (you on top, sitting in your partner's lap, or a side-by-side spoon position) may be just the thing to send you over the top during love making. As the old saying goes, "Where there's a will, there's a way." With a little experimenting, you and your partner are sure to find a position and technique that works for both of you. In fact, some women experience their first orgasm while having sex during their pregnancy. This can be attributed to engorgement of the genitals with more sensitive nerve endings and oxytocin, the hormone that maintains your pregnancy, which is known to spark the libido.

Myth #3 - Having sex will cause premature labor

There is no medical evidence that the act of having sex causes labor. However, stimulating your breasts can speed up the production of oxytocin which can cause contractions when you are near your due date. As your pregnancy progresses, you will discover that you will have all sorts of contractions without going into labor. However, your doctor or midwife may limit your sexual activity if your pregnancy is considered high risk or if you have a history of premature labor, early cervical dilation, placenta previa, premature rupture of the membranes or vaginal bleeding.

Myth #4 - Oral sex is a no-no

This is one of the biggest misconceptions about having sex during pregnancy. Standard oral sex will not harm you or your baby and many couples consider it a nice substitute if intercourse is deemed too risky or it's just too uncomfortable. Just make sure your partner avoids blowing air into your vagina, as blowing hard could cause an air embolism (obstruction of a blood vessel) which could potentially kill you and your baby.

Your pregnancy is a wonderful opportunity to have close and loving sexual experiences with your partner. Get creative - you both might just discover a side to yourselves that you didn't know existed before. Pregnancy is a time when many couples open doors and find new and exciting ways to be intimate with one another beyond just the act of having sex."

Sources: http://www.parentingweekly.com/pregnancy/pregnancy_health_fitness/sex_during.htm


Sex of the baby
I found some interesting sites to predict the sex of the baby, but just for fun.

Chinese Calendar

Boy or Girl Quiz

Baby gender prediction

Baby Gender Prediction


Sex Selection Techniques - before Pregnancy

I sometimes crave chips, rich chocolate ice-cream.
My stomach is round, low (I checked with someone as I might be bias)
The baby is quite active & I didn't have a lot of morning sickness in the 1st trimester. (No vomitting)

Let’s find out how many of them are true when the baby is out. :-)

Maternity Leave

In NZ, we're entitled to up to 14 weeks paid parental leave and up to a total of 52 weeks extended leave if qualified (usually need to work in a company for 1 year before the due date) and this is also transferrable to our parnter. IRD has a defintion.

Department of Labour has a calculator that work out your entitlement for both employee, self-employed and the partner if you wish to transferred the leave. It also tells you the last date to inform your employer of taking maternity leave and a format of the letter to employer.

Nutrition

There's certainly a lot of food a pregnant woman can't eat: coffee, tea, alcohol, medium rare steak, fried eggs (semi-raw), soft cheese such as brie, cream, ice-cream, smoked food, pre-prepare salad, everything has to be cooked fresh & fully cooked, less sugar...etc And there's a lot of activities to be avoided, like running, dancing (with jerky movement), no bending to pick up things, cannot life heavy things, have to sleep on our sides.

At first I thought, really? Life will be a bit hard! But later when I think about it, let's think of this as a good chance to switch to a more healthy diet. And it'll be worth it, I could sacrifice anything for our baby. I enjoyed helping people but it's the first time in my life I feel that myself is not important anymore. The things I have or don't have, achieve or not achieve doesn't seem to matter anymore. I feel the most important thing now is to make the people around me happpy and fulfilling.

Some info on daily nutritional requirement:

Calcium - 1200mg/ day (about 4 cups of milk)
If you suffer from Leg Cramps, there might be due to lack of calcium

Folate or folic acid - 500mg/day
Food that contain folate:
- Green lefty vegetables
- Wholegrain breads and cereals
- Peas and dried beans

Fibre
- Vegetable & whole grain & bran

Iron - 25-36mg
For supporting this increase in blood volume for yourself and your baby

Protein - 55gm - 85gm
For the development of your baby and to the development of your breast tissue in preparation for breastfeeding.


Water - plenty
Water can help flush the bladder & prevent urinary infection
Also dehydration can cause problems with the development of the baby

Bottomline is that the baby will take nutrition from you no matter what, so it's better to take enough so our body won't have any problems later on.

The key is to eat for 'Quality', not Quantity as the old saying we're eating for two. Eating too much calories only makes it harder to lose after birth.

I'm taking a vitamins & minerals by elevit, which has a bit of every mineral & vitamins essential for pregnancy.

Hospital Bag

Some idea taken from different sources:

For Labour

A comfortable, loose fitting nightie or T-shirt that you can wear through labour and give birth in. You should expect that this may get covered in the fluids from delivery.
A water bottle/sweets/glucose tablets.
Any snacks or drinks you would like to have on hand.
Your Huggies Birth Plan
Lip balm
Warm socks (your feet may get very cold during labour). You should be prepared to throw these away after the delivery.
Massage equipment – oils, creams.
Heat pack
Camera and video camera (ask before you start taking video footage)
CD’s to play during the birth of your baby.
Drinks and snacks for your partner.
Your Huggies Announcement Contact List
Phone cards and coins for making calls. Check with the hospital staff before using a mobile phone.
Make-up and hair brush for immediately after the birth if you would like to touch up for the initial photos.
And a bottle of champagne.

For Hospital
Most women stay in hospital for around 3-4 days after a vaginal delivery and 5-6 days after a caesarean section.

3 easy to open night clothes (for breastfeeding)
3 nursing bras / plenty of nursing pads
Breast pads
Dressing gown or robe
Slippers
Toiletries and make-up kit.
Plenty of underwear, or disposable paper pants.
2-3 packs of maternity sanitary pads
A copy of your Hospital Stay Plan
Print outs of your Announcement Contact List, envelopes and stamps.
Day clothes and an outfit for leaving the hospital.
You will also need to have an outfit for your baby to leave hospital. This should include a singlet, socks or bootees, outer garment, cardigan (dependent on the weather) and a blanket for in the car.
Baby car seat

http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/article.aspx?ContentID=231

Pregnancy Week by Week guide

I signed up many sites that offer baby information, and there's 2 sites I'm constantly visiting as they have loads of information and a week-by-week guide on how the baby is developing each week. It'll tell me what week my baby is in when I entered the Expected Due Date. Also some specials and draws for baby products:

Huggies Club
Baby Center (this is a US site, also have one in Australia, so the specials won't work in NZ, however the info is pretty useful)
baby-gaga - Forum, stroller guide & baby tickers
(you can also get your own ticker for your email or webpage)

This is my baby's development ticker:



It is just amazing how from week 8 of just a york with a tiny heart beat, growing to something that has hands and feets, it's so cute, I very much enjoy going for my ultrasound scans. One was just done just over 18 weeks, it's truly amazing.

Since everywhere is on sale now, I've printed a shopping list from babycity.co.nz to see what will be needed, although it's about 5 months away, it's good to start looking around to get an idea on what's available in the market.

Baby shopping list

If you have any good information on baby shopping, please share with us on the comments section, thanks.

On the Half Way Mark - 20 weeks

I'm now on my 20 weeks of pregnancy, a bit bored and can't wait to meet my baby. After going through the 1st 3 months of nauseaness, unwell and panic, now my energy level is back, get more time and energy to do more researching and reading. After talking to friends, I think it's a good idea to share what I've found to prepare myself to be the best mum for my baby.

Being 33 and had a couple of miscarriages, I'm very panic at the first few months of pregnancy, I really wish this baby could stay. So I tried to find every information I could, what to eat, what not to eat, to do...etc to prevent a miscarriage this time.

I even pray every day, after the previous miscarriages, I really believe that life is not controlled by us and we cannot make it happen if it's meant to be. Someone with family members that have a life threatening disease would know what I mean. A dear friend of mine has been diagnoised cancer recently and all we could do is to support her and do our best to let her feel the less pain possible, but we could not assure that she'll live for any amount of time, although modern medicine is so advance.

I was really sad about the miscarriages & was very nervous about this pregnancy in the first 3 months as one more miscarriage I'll need to be refered to a specialist. After talking to several people and by reading, as the doctor said, miscarriages is pretty commmon (1 in 5 or something in all pregnancy) and nature has its way to create a healty baby, it's not anyone's fault for the miscarriage. I learnt not to blame myself for the loss, and my partner asked me not to read too much if it makes me worry about this pregnancy, just let it be.

Info on miscarriage

Anyway, back to my boredom, I'll post things that I found on the internet & by talking with friends. Hopefully will better prepare myself to be a good mum this time.